Grab a cuppa and a comfy seat, and let’s chat a while. It’s time for Coffee and Conversation.
When I was six, my family was driving on a highway late at night. Streaks of headlights and taillights painted the dark. For the first time, I realized that each car held people living lives as important to them as mine was to me.
I wanted to know what those lives were, and to share my own..
What reaction did you have when you read the title of this post? Did you think about running away before things get dirty around here? Did you salaciously scan down, hoping for “naughty bits”? Did you think of your own partner, orientation, children, beliefs, fears? Abuse or empowerment? Specific sexual acts you’ve participated in, or wish you could? Fantasy, food, poetry, or literature? Sin, or ecstasy, or some of both?
I hope I didn’t scare you off with the title, and that you’re still here…!
I could go on and on – because sex is as natural for humans as breathing, eating and sleeping – one of the most basic of our drives, inextricably bound up in the fact that we are sexually reproducing animals – yes, beneath all our evolution, we are still animals.
But there’s sex- the simple procreative act between male and female; the base drive to reproduce and perpetuate the species – and then there’s sexuality –
Sexuality is what happens when all those layers of evolution come into play. It’s the human element of sex, and it’s as diverse and complex as humanity itself. It’s as big as the collective human, and as small as a caught breath, a feathered touch, the instant of conception…
Click the icon to learn more!
Last Thursday, I attended the Second Annual World Sexual Health Day Celebration in New York City. The venue was intimate and inspiring, and the event –
The event had my laughing, thinking, soaring, grinning, shaking, savoring, imagining, learning, stretching, growing, crying – and shifting.
To see why, you can watch the entire show, follow the Twitter feed, or join the Facebook page.
I could write thousands and thousands of words on this experience – and I think I will, over the next weeks and months. For today, though, I just want to share one aspect of the evening, and how it clicked with me and my life on a deep level.
During her question and answer session, Dr. Sara NasserZadeh, who is a native Iranian, addressed the topic of the differing views of sex and gender attitudes across the world, and how there is a certain tendency to view our own way as the “right” one, rather than being open to learning more about other ways of sexual being, and what there might be to learn from them.
She cautioned about carrying arrogance into sexual conversations, as in referring to the female circumcision practiced in some areas of the world as genital mutilation. She invited us to consider how that would sound to the women who have experienced this procedure- to call this most intimate part of their bodies ‘mutilated’, and imply that they are lesser in some way because of it.
“We have to meet people where they are,” she said.
That resonated with me. It’s the cornerstone of unschooling- rather than attempting to act upon our children, to focus on bringing them to where we want them to be, we literally or figuratively come to where they are, watch them, learn where it is they want to go, and offer as much or as little support and guidance as they need to get there.
Another version of this is at the heart of mindfulness, yoga, t’ai chi, and other such practices. It’s not necessary to master anything in one try. “Begin where you are.” And, as parents who might be moving into respectful, partnership parenting from a very different paradigm. Such huge changes can’t be accomplished overnight, so the only thing to do is to begin where you are, and go from there.
And so, I’m beginning. From time to time, there will be a sexual topic in this feature. The range will be – well, it will be the scope of my journey….and more.
Because I’m inviting you all to make this journey with me, but in your own way. Because it’s time to talk about sex, and sexuality – not behind our hands or in dark rooms to hide our blushes, but openly and with respect.
Come out from behind that menu and chat with me about sex.
What are you thinking about sexuality now, at the end of this post? Are you seeing it a little differently? Are you thinking about where you are, and if it’s where you want to be? Are you seeing a widening of your sexual awareness? Are you ready to hide? Strut your sexual stuff?
I’ve got a variety of refreshments available, and an intimate virtual space cleared for our private use. Whatever you have to say, I want to meet you where you are, and I promise not to snicker…so, what do you have to say about sex and sexuality?
